Devotee writes: Respected Mahatma Prabhu
All glories to your Grace
I am doing ok by a materialistic standpoint.
I must say that I am loosing the battle on sexual purity, I have been masturbating(every 2 weeks) and having sex with my wife about the same frequency. I dont know what happens to me physiologically after every 10 days or so, i need sex otherwise my brain just go bonkers and if i dont get it from my wife because she is busy, i just masturbate.
i feel really guilty, i dream of becoming pure but even after keeping my eyes in check and doing the right things, its so difficult.
another thing that is difficult is controlling the tongue, i have this craving for sweets and salt, and i just cant give it up.
anyway, sharing with you some confidential and personal stuff.
looking forward to hearing from you
Mahatma Prabhu writes:
Read the notes I sent and see if anything helps. Of course, by material standards for a young man to have sex once or twice a month is pretty good. But, of course, we are shooting for the rhino.
Living more in goodness is ultimately the solution. Sex desire is passion and thus passionate activities and passionate lifestyles create passionate sexual desires.
It’s important to remember that we always have a choice to not do what our senses tell us do. There are little things you can choose to do that will help. I don’t recommend drastic measures, but eating just a little less, or eating a fewer sweets will make a difference. Even just by doing one thing to control yourself, even only slightly, it sets in motion the desire and strength to continue to control yourself in other ways and to be a little more austere. Krsna consciousness is meant for austerity. Anything you can do that is a little austere, like rising a little earlier, taking a cool bath, eating a little less, etc. is extremely purifying and it thus reduces the influence of passion. Just try it and you’ll see for yourself that it does help.
One austerity, which is not difficult, is not to see yourself naked. Prabhupada said seeing oneself naked is the beginning of madness. Bath with underwear or gumsha and change with a towel over you. Little things like this, and any other things you can think of to bring in more goodness and less ignorance and passion in your live, make a difference.
I also think it’s important to face your guilt. Don’t run away from it. Facing it will help you process it. One of two things will likely happen: you’ll either be able to better handle it so it won’t cause you internal turmoil, depression and loss of enthusiasm, or by facing it head on it might make you feel so bad that it inspires you to do more to be sexually pure because you realize that the subsequent pain you feel far exceeds the pleasure sex gives you (you are paying a higher price than you want…)
The way you describe sex it sounds less of a pleasure and more of a need to relieve the itch. Be so open and honest with yourself that you can more easily notice what you might be doing to agitate the flames of sexual desire (what you are hearing, seeing, doing, etc. or what you are not doing, reading, chanting, etc.) and thus try to pinpoint activities you can do or do better and other activities you need to reduce or eliminate. The point is that sometimes on subtle levels, levels we are not aware of but should be aware of, we do things that agitate sex desire. The more you become aware of this, the more you can nip the desire before it grows to the stage where it can’t be controlled. It doesn’t come out of nowhere; it’s getting energized by wrong thinking and acting and it’s getting sublimated by right thinking and acting. In other words, you can de-energize sex desire just as you can aggravate it.
Maybe we should have another teleconference with everyone and talk about these things.