Here H G Mahatma Prabhu very kindly acknowledges, converses, and encourages a devotee who was upset with the way life was for that devotee..
Devotee: Hare Krsna Mahatma Prabhuji, due to personal reasons I was upset and impulsively wrote you the last message.
Mahatma Prabhu: Yes, it did seem you were upset.
Devotee: I was also very angry at God/Krsna because His lila drives me crazy and I hate the games He plays with us but there is very little I can do to change the situation other than to accept it, and I cannot be mad at God for long. So I write to you again.
Mahatma Prabhu: Yes acceptance is an important way to deal with things we cannot presently change. But we still have the power to change our choices that influence the future. So we can live with acceptance but also look forward to creating something better in the future by changing our thinking and actions.
Devotee: I do not have the strength to be “spontaneous” and follow the heart. If i did then I would be packing my bags to come to Mayapur before Kartik ends.
Mahatma Prabhu: Yes, it is a big move. But perhaps the time for this will come later. Still, it would be nice for you to visit if possible at some point. Meeting together and meeting my wife would be helpful for you.
Devotee: My spiritual life has always been a struggle for me. People I counted most on always let me down and I had/have to keep pulling myself through it all. Sometimes it is duty to family and other times it is safety that stops me from breaking free. The fear of the unknown keeps me from leaving the world that I am able to see and can account for.
Mahatma Prabhu: This is common for most of us. By continuing your spiritual practice the desire to advance will get stronger, and when this happens breaking free of old restraints is easier and often naturally happens without conscious effort.
Devotee: I am low on Faith and desperately seek another soul who can believe in me and can help me believe in myself more than what I can believe alone. And the same goes with Trust. I just do not trust myself to trust another yet that is my source of misery.
Mahatma Prabhu: As you say, these beliefs, or lack of beliefs, are causing you misery. Such is the nature of material life. What would you prefer to believe if you could change your beliefs? Then at least recognize that you can believe what you prefer to believe rather than be limited by your fears.
Devotee: I am only another human being who has made many mistakes, but I also wish to forgive myself, but the world around me just does not let it happen.
Mahatma Prabhu: We all need to forgive ourselves. Some of us make bigger mistakes than others, but still self forgiveness is necessary to create sanity and stability. Whether or not the world lets you forgive, you will have to give yourself permission to forgive yourself. It is necessary if you want to live a peaceful life.
Devotee: So I landed up being someone I ain’t, only for being able to survive in this world and now I find it difficult to open up or be myself with anybody else. It’s like something inside of me is so different that I cannot gauge the world like everyone else does. I am always on high alert, sensitive and defensive, I can’t relax.
Mahatma Prabhu: Sounds like life has beaten you down and you need a lot of healing in order to move forward. Ultimately no one can do this for you. It is something you will need to do for yourself when you are ready. And you can let go of the past and its influence on you. But maybe you are not yet ready. Perhaps more forgiveness is required.
Devotee: I write to you today because there is no one else I can turn to. I write to you today, not taking you as a Hare Krsna teacher but as a friend, as a soul father who can guide me with his wisdom. I trusted a few spiritual people in past and was let down by most (do not know if that is karma or something else) and my family thinks that I am the stupid one and not living my life. I only want to tell you that it is taking me a lot of strength (whatever is still remaining) to trust you and open up to you.
Mahatma Prabhu: I thank you for your trust and am honored that you give it to me. I know it is difficult for you. I am here to help you. You can take from me what works and discard what doesn’t. I really just want to help you become strong. I think deep down you know how to free yourself from your self imposed suffering but something is holding you back, something you will need to let go of. And I sense that you are going through a difficult period astrologically, so it is necessary to be more tolerant at this point in your life. Prabhupada is also your teacher and can also guide you from within when you take his guidance through his books. He said that we can associate with him through his books and recordings. He will not cheat you.
Devotee: Please help me to believe and trust myself, mankind and God.
Mahatma Prabhu: I suggest you take baby steps. From where you are at now, the next baby step you need to take will not be difficult for you. I don’t want to offer advice as much as I want to help you come up with the answers and the practical steps you can take to gradually improve. Don’t take an all or nothing approach. I hope this helps.
Hare Krsna, Mahatma das